Dodgeball, Dodgeball, Dodgeball..

It's the only sport I know where the primary objective of the game is right there in the name of it: Dodge. Ball. Simple as that.

Our 20-somethings group held last night a dodgeball tournament for all those kids in our church from grade 7-12. We had twelve teams, each with two captains that were in the 20-somethings. Except of course for the team of old people, that believe or not, came fifth out of twelve.. Not too shabby.. Each team had some awesome uniforms, and I mean awesome. Best costumes by far went to Andrew and Barb, who took the time to so fake blue fur onto all of the sleeves and collars of their yellow tanktops..not to mention Andrew showing in a green outfit that made him look a bit like Donatello.

We started with a round robin. Each team played four games, which consisted of playing as any games as you could within the eight minutes alotted. Two points for a win in each single game, none for a loss. So the key was to play as many as you could.

We picked the kids schoolyard style after having the referees throw the balls at us captains to determine the order of picking. Getting off to a bad start, I was the first eliminated and thus the last to pick, but somehow we managed to pick up a AAA baseball player with our first pick. The rest of our team consisted of my co-captain Amanda who ended up being a lot better than I was, a more petite girl, Cody, who was most often the last to be hit, and Jared, the tournament director. I must say, we had a pretty solid team.

In our first match, we managed to win 6 games, to the other team's 0. However, in our second game, we went up against Reuben's Rowdies, a team that consisted of three of the hardest throwing captains, another AAA ball player, and a younger kid who wasn't bad himself. We knew we were in tough.

In the first game, they had us down to one player, Joel, and they had all of theirs left. Joel did not give up, and preceded to eliminate every single player from their team, giving us the win. That was the only highlight though, and we lost four games to one.

In our last two games, we did very well, and won five games to two both times. This allowed us to be the number one seed, going 17-8. Reuben's team took second, going 14-4.

We played the number four seed, Team Ballseye, the team of Rob Brown and Josh Carabin. They were a worthy opponent, but we knocked them out quickly three games to zero.

Reuben's team beat Zac's Zanies to meet us in the finals. The one team we didn't want to play.

I would say we held our own for the most part, but it was evident that they were stronger and more dodgy, and they beat us in three straight, becoming the first Annual Super Fun Dodgeball Tournament champions.

I was disappointed, but with their degree of stackedness, I thought our team did pretty darn well.

And now, I must somehow relate dodgeball to life.

In dodgeball, you must have a view of everything around you. You have to see every ball coming at you, and more importantly your groin, and you must find a way to get out of the way of them, no matter what you have to do.

In life, the balls represent the ladies, and I represent me. It appears I'm better at playing the dodgeball of life then the game itself.

Similarly, in dodgeball if you catch a ball that an opponent has thrown, he is out. In life, when lemons are thrown at you, you grab them, and you make lemonade. Or so I've heard.

So there you go, a couple of life lessons for you.

But I have one more. If you are playing dodgeball, did get hit in the cajones. It hurts real bad.

The Obligatory Valentine's Day Entry.

I read somewhere last week that sixty percent of single Canadians spend Valentine's at home alone, sulking because they are single.

To me, this is pretty sad. Sadder than being single ever could. Now, I'm pretty pro by now at being single. Not too many people are better at being single than me. But I've spent nary a February 14th at home feeling sorry for myself.

Here are a couple reasons that will help you to enjoy the day despite being so very, very lonely.

1. You are single. You don't have to buy anyone chocolates, you don't have to take anyone out for dinner, write any poems or compose any songs. No one is going to be mad at you for forgetting it was Valentine's Day. Except maybe your mother.
2. In my opinion, Valentine's Day has the best candy of all the holidays. Yes, I am including Christmas, and even Halloween. First off, you got those witty conversation hearts with hilarious love messages such as "Fax Me" and "U R Hot". Whoever invented these things is a genius, not to mention the fact that I can literally eat 10,000 of these. You got those heart suckers that are delicious, you got those heart jujubes that are so much better than all the rest. And since you don't have anyone to buy for, you can treat yourself.

I was gunna go on, but why? If I haven't convinced you by now, you are a lost cause. Which means you are one of those sixty percent. Which means you are just yearning for the special boy or girl. Well boys, you are about to get a little lesson from the king of love.

In the form of the most passionate thing known to man: the poem. I am going to show you how to woo the girl of your dreams. Here is a little excerpt from the poem I am writing for my future lucky lady.

My love for you is as deep as Marianas Trench.
When you are with me, you tighten my heart like a wrench.
When you aren't, my soul, it cannot be quenched.
All I can ask for is your undying compassion.
Will you share with me your part of the rations?

Let's break it down. I started off here with a very powerful line. One that gets their attention right off the bat. How much deeper can you get than the deepest part of the world? I don't know.

These next two lines kind of go together. It shows that you are thinking about her twenty-four slash seven. That's a lot of time.

Next comes the request. I am reaching out to her right here. I can only love someone so much. They have to love me back. Don't worry, they will be eating out of your house by the time they get past those three lines. And by saying 'undying', you've got written proof against her if things don't work out.

And always at the end, you pose a question. I chose a question that goes kind of back to war times with the whole ration thing. Despite all the fighting, it was a very passionate time, what with ladies having to be away from their men so long and all. Given what I said about them eating out of your hand, it really is a rhetorical question.

Well, there you go. If you can't get a girl now, I don't know what to say. Rent the Notebook. Take a lesson from Ryan Gosling or whatever. But if you want my advice, stay single.

For when the time comes that you have a special someone in your life, you can't eat the candy you buy. It's just not worth it.

Happy Valentine's Day to all.

Pancake Tuesday!

Yah, I know. Its Wednesday. Truth is, I meant to talk about this yesterday. I forgot. Sorry. I suppose I really should be talking about Ash Wednesday, but who wants to talk about a day whose theme is rubbing that grey stuff on your forehead? Pancakes, or head-ash, you decide. I've made my decision.

Growing up going to a private school, we always had Pancake Day. I never thought about the meaning of it, the relevance of the whole thing, but honestly, who in my situation would? It's a day devoted to pancakes. You show up, they put pancakes on your paper plate. What is so hard to get? Sounds like the kind of day I'd come up with if I was running this place. Instead, we get Family Day. Why would I want to eat my family. Liberal psychos.

Until about five minutes ago, I still had no idea what it was about. All I know is that someone mentioned it was on Tuesday to me, and I decided we at work had to celebrate. So we made pancakes for the residents. What a joyous day.

I did some research. Now, I already knew that it came on the day before Ash Wednesday, which is the first day of Lent. What I found out is fascinating! (It's really not.) It's Pancake Day because pancakes look like the Sun.. dot dot dot. I'm not impressed so far. If they wanted it to be a solar thing, why don't they make it Sun Chip and Sundae Day? Helllooo, who wouldn't want both of those things?

I also found out that Pancake Tuesday is Mardi Gras in other places. Let me get this straight. Down in New Orleans, they are partying down the main streets, and I'm here eating pancakes. This day gets worse and worse. We don't even get a day off work.

Oh well. I will continue to obliviously eat pancakes on this day. But I am waiting for my Sun Chips and Sundaes.

And I WILL put gummie worms on it.

Lottery Scratch Cards and the 2008 US Election.

I want you people to know something. I am writing this blog despite it causing me extreme pain. I sliced my finger on a can of tapioca pudding yesterday. It was not a very good day. It bled and bled, to the point where I would wipe the sink clean of blood, but then more blood would just be in it, despite my finger not even being over the sink. It was quite confusing. I double wrapped my finger in bandaids, as tight as I could. I stuck a glove on and resumed my job. I looked down after two minutes and the entire finger of the glove was soaked with blood. I went to the nurse's office, and she triple wrapped it with gauze. Even after this, it was coming through. So now, every time I type a letter with my index finger, it kills. And I type a lot with that finger. Enjoy this. It's full of spite.

I am a scratch card fanatic. I almost can't walk by a post in a mall and go in a store that sells them without buying a couple. But I'm serious when I say this, I don't do it for the money. It's about the thrill, and some of the games are just damn fun to play. I mean, you can play Tetris now. Freaking Clue. Scrabble. Tell you what, I'd pay $7.95 to put Tetris on my phone. Why do that when I can play it for 3 and have a chance at winning 65 trillion dollars?


Most people lose all the time. I don't however. Now, I never win big, the most I have won on a ticket that was for me is nine bucks (I bought one for a friend that won twenty-five) but usually I'm able to make most of my money back. For some reason, I have been saving my tickets for about a year and a half, minus a period inthe summer when I went almost daily, trading in tickets for more tickets, but that's dumb. I've got about 15 tickets, worth 64 dollars. I've literally got 64 bucks in front of me as we speak. It's a nice feeling. But now I've got a decision. What do I do with the money? I'm gunna let you decide. Let me know.

UPDATE: My finger is now bleeding again. Bllod on the keyboard. Thanks guys. Appreciate it.

The last thing I want to write about today is a little issue I have had pertaining to the 2008 US Election. Anyone who doesn't know what that is can skip to the end. I won't be offended.

I have had two friends come up to me and ask: "So who would you vote for, Obama or Clinton" To which I respond, "Do you mean who would I vote for to represent the Democrats?" No. they mean president. Newsflash people: There are two parties (two main ones at least.). One is the Democratic, the other is the republican. In a little while, only one of these two is going to be running for president. So my response to both has been neither. I'm Republican by nature, why would I vote for a Democrat? Most of the people I come across only even know of these two, because the media has made them. If the media elected president, Democrats would win 90 to 10 every time. Thank goodness they don't. Most of the media loves to make Republicans look worse than they are, and hide all the crap that the Democrats have done. Is Bush as bad as people think? Heavens no. Go up to five people, ask them if they hate Bush. Five of them will say yes. Ask them why. Majority will generally say a single word, whenever they have picked up, usually just "war", or something like that. What about the war? They don't have an answer.

I'm not asking you people to be Republican, or anything like that. I just want you to open your eyes. There are two parties. And come election time, despite what the media will tell you, it will be close, just as it has been for a while. Do your research. Look deeper. You might actually learn something.

As for that question, if you are asking who would I rather have run the Democrats. Obama. Clinton just wants to be president to make history. Just so she can say there has been a woman and she was it. I have no problem with a woman running either my country nor the US, but not this one, please.

That's all I've got right now. I've gotta go stop this bleeding and then watch Lost.

Across Town Walks and the Toronto Sun.

Every Monday to Friday, it's the same thing. Alarm goes off at 6:15. Shower till 6:25. Get dressed, eat breakfast, check things out on my computer. Out of the house by 6:50. If I'm fast enough, I can catch the bus that goes by at 6:55. It's the comfy bus that has very cushiony chairs, and a moustached man who isn't in the right line of work, because he is one of the happiest, good-natured people I have ever come across, and he drives a bus. Every day, on the garbage, he has written a message - usually something about having a fantastic day. It cheers me up a little. Every time you get off the bus, he says something uplifting, something that barely any of the others do. My favorite so far - "have a grooooovy day" This guy may not be married or be the "coolest of cats", but its a good start to the morning.

I usually sleep the whole ride towards downtown, which probably just makes me more tired. Every day, I get off the 1 Woodlawn, and hop on the 9 Stone Road Mall. Everyday, I walk by the newspapers, and think to myself, I should really buy one. So this most recent Friday, I did just that. I picked up the Toronto Sun, and actually, I'm pretty sure I looked around me to make sure no one was watching because I felt so awkward. Reading this thing though, I felt so accomplished. I read it front to back twice throughout the day. It's just such a wealth of information. I actually got excited today when I received two loonies in change. It means I can buy 2 papers. Can't wait.


We went out to Tony's on Friday to celebrate Ben's 22nd birthday. Man, people are getting old. We had a great night playing pool and hanging out. At 1:30 or so, we started to leave. Me, Ben, and Reuben had ample opportunity to get rides home (there was 9 empty car seats between the vehicles)but we decided it would be best to walk it, keeping in mind that my house is a good hour and a half hike. It didn't seem too cold despite the fact that it was somewhere around negative 15 and my toes and fingers were frozen. We got Mega Pizza, after which Reuben promptly dropped all of his on the well-trodden grey snowed ground. No matter, I picked it up and handed it to him, and he ate the whole thing. His reasoning: It's just water. Saw some interesting people downtown as is obviously always the case, and we started our trek. We took a way that none of us had even seen before, and while I had my doubts that we were going in the right direction, I felt we were being led the right way. It was a great bonding experience, and we had a fantastic man-to-man. It seems like life is so hustle and bustle these days. Everyone's got their iPods and their cell phones and their new cars, no one seems to just enjoy what we have naturally. It felt great just to be a part of nature, just as it was intended to be. Even if we were lighted by street lamps and directed by road signs. A little over ninety minutes after we began, I was at my door, Ben and Reuben having walked me right to it. I was very appreciative of this, especially since the walk from Tony's to Ben's house is only half hour, and by walking me home, their walk took two and a half hours. They didn't even complain.

Two challenges today: Buy a newspaper. Read it. You may be different from me, but you may find you'll enjoy it, and it might make you learn something.

Embrace nature sometime. Go for a walk. Forget about bustle and just breathe it in. We live in a masterfully created world, and though I hate winter and though often times I take God's creation for granted, it felt good to be a part of it and appreciate it for what it is.